Where Am I? Where Did I Come From? Where Am I Going?!

A Message to Myself—and Those Who Still See Me

Dear Self, 
It’s been an unbelievable journey to this point in life.

I’ve felt the highest highs—moments when life cracked open with color, laughter, and connection. And I’ve felt the deepest lows—pain that pulled me under like a riptide, all in the same 24 hours. I remember joy, yes. But I also remember falling to my knees in silence, praying the chaos would stop—inside and outside.

People say I matter. That they love me. That they see something in me. But when shame sets in—the shame of letting them down, letting myself down—it becomes hard to hear anything except the loop in my head.

Sometimes the pain is so sharp and constant that I’ll do anything for a moment of peace.
And that’s when it calls my name.
The scroll. The bottle. The hit. The escape.
And in that moment, it doesn’t feel like a habit—it feels like the only friend that understands.

But that moment of peace always leaves. And when it does, I’m left further away from the person I want to be.

CoreSelf Mapping (CSM): My First Step Back to Me

There’s a tool I’ve discovered—not a fix, not a cure, but a way forward. It’s called CoreSelf Mapping. It’s simple—but not always easy.

It starts by asking:
Where am I?
Where do I want to be?

Not my whole life. Not my 10-year plan. Just this moment. This situation. Because one of the reasons I spiral is that I try to think of everything at once. And no one—no one—can carry it all at the same time.

CSM is about focusing on one specific situation, slowing down the racing thoughts, and activating the voice inside me that’s been quietly watching the whole time.
That voice isn’t judging. It’s not yelling.
It’s me.
My Internal Observer.

And once I hear it again, I remember who I am underneath the noise.

Is There Hope? Yes—Here’s the Data.

Studies show that long-term recovery is not just possible—it’s happening.
In fact:

• More than 75% of people who experience addiction eventually recover. That includes people who once used heroin, cocaine, meth, alcohol—you name it. (CDC, 2020)  
• Recovery outcomes are significantly higher when people learn to identify and change unhelpful thought patterns and behaviors that impact emotional well-being—CSM explores how our emotional energy, values, and thoughts can positively influence each other.
• In one study, individuals in recovery who actively engaged in self-reflection and purpose- driven journaling were 2x more likely to remain sober after 12 months. (Laudet et al., 2006)

This is not about perfection. It’s about direction.
Every day I practice CoreSelf Mapping—even if it’s just for five minutes—I remember that change starts with attention. And attention can become intention.
And intention?
That’s how people like me turn their lives around.

A Message to the People Who Still See Me

If you’re reading this because you care about someone who’s stuck in this fog—thank you. They may not be able to say it, but they feel it.
They’re just trying to make it one moment at a time.

And for those of us trying to come back?

We’re not broken.
We’re just buried.

And the right questions can start digging us out.

Where am I?
Where did I come from?
Where am I going?

Maybe today… the answer is:
Someplace better.

Learn more about CoreSelf Mapping and how it’s helping people reconnect with themselves and reclaim direction.