The Paradox of Outcomes

Reframing Expectations by Slowing Down

We all want the best outcomes in life—whether in our relationships, careers, families, or personal growth. Yet, despite our best intentions, frustration often arises, especially in our most important relationships. When expectations—our own or others’—go unmet, we may feel disappointed, helpless, or even angry.

From adolescence to adulthood, expectations shape our experiences. Parents, teachers, and employers have expectations of us, just as we develop our own around grades, careers, friendships, and family. Over time, we, too, take on roles where we place expectations on others—whether as managers, parents, or mentors. And if all goes as planned, retirement arrives with a new set of expectations.

The paradox of outcomes is that they are directly linked to expectations—both spoken and unspoken. Yet, outcomes are rarely predictable, and the gap between expectation and reality can lead to frustration and uncertainty.

So how do we navigate this? Paradoxically, the answer is to slow down. Taking a step back allows us to reconnect with our most important values, offering a fresh perspective on our expectations and desired outcomes. When we pause, we activate a powerful part of our mind —our Internal Observer. This internal guide helps us recognize patterns, ask deeper questions, and uncover new paths forward.

Having a conversation with your Internal Observer can reveal insightful, sometimes obvious, strategies—an answer to a question you didn’t know you were asking!

When we find ourselves in emotional storms, the ability to reframe rather than balance expectations becomes essential. Instead of forcing a solution, reframing helps us approach challenges with self-awareness, empathy, and a mindset geared toward growth. It allows us to zoom out, see the bigger picture, and align our actions with our core values.

At times, watching loved ones struggle—whether with addiction, depression, or grief—can be heartbreaking. We may want to throw them a lifeline, but we can’t force them to grab it. Still, by centering ourselves, we gain clarity on how best to support them while maintaining our own stability.

Within each of us lies an ember waiting to be lit—a spark that, once ignited, can create a roaring fire of curiosity, passion, and insight. Far too often, we wait for someone else to light that fire, unaware that we already hold the match.

The CoreSelf Mapping experience provides a simple yet powerful framework to harness self- trust, respect, and certainty. By slowing down, engaging with our Internal Observer, and aligning our choices with our values, we gain the tools to transform frustration into clarity and expectations into meaningful growth.

What might your Internal Observer reveal to you?

Try CoreSelf Mapping, or check out our book, CoreSelf Positioning.