How our Rituals, Rules, and Expectations define (or fool) Us

Focused or Hijacked Actions and Energy  

Most of us have rituals or routines—intentional or not—that we exercise on a daily basis.  Devoting an hour to meditation or reading soon after waking is a deliberate plan; it’s less  intentional to check your phone as your very first action of the day. It’s important to take note  of both routines. 

Why? Because less thoughtful routines might be hijacking your prime energy and mental focus.  A daily social media habit that involves spending an hour or more on “likes” and non-essential  emails can distract in a major way from learning new skills or researching important new  personal or professional information. 

Still doubting? Are you quietly thinking, “Yeah, but that’s not much time and only I know what I  really have to focus on!” 

Nobody likes being told what to do. But as a suggestion, take a moment to think of a typical  drive you take everyday to work or school. Recall an occasional time you decided to break  your routine to stop by the store or take a different way home but found yourself at home, as  though on autopilot? 

Our brains create shortcuts (aka routines) to save energy to solve difficult situations. For  example, at home we spend almost no time finding the bathroom in the middle of the night.  But in an unfamiliar hotel room or friend’s house in the middle of the night it can be very  different. 

The takeaway: Be intentional and become more aware of what your preferred rituals  accomplish and whether they do or don’t support your primary goals. 

Rules are also a very interesting related topic because we’re taught them at a young age at  home, in school, and through sports. As we mature we learn the rules and boundaries which  govern our lives. Earliest rules might include: “No cheating, no lying, and no being mean.”  Greater maturity adds rules like: “The Golden Rule,” “Quid Pro Quo,” and “Freedom of  Speech.” The challenge coming with these last rules is that not everyone’s interpretation of  them is the same. 

While most of us have a moral compass indicating right and wrong, such a guidance system  may easily be influenced by major biases or beliefs. For instance, “Quid pro quo.” At its  fundamental level, it involves an exchange of goods or services, in which one transfer is  contingent upon the other: “I will sell you this product or service for that much currency.” At the  grocery store or gas station this simple exchange works well; however, physical stress and  emotional impulses can quickly blur the usual lines of “correct behavior.” 

The takeaways: Be very intentional about the rules and boundaries that you agree to and  maintain; also, remember to verify that they are in alignment with your important values.

This last point creates an interesting link to expectations. If our rituals and routines consistently  support our rules and boundaries, then it follows that they will assist us in reaching our  expected goals. It’s also important to acknowledge that if our routines and rules fail to align  with our values, our expectations will probably meet with disappointment. 

Following through on good intentions is supported by new practices. For example, keeping the  phone outside the bedroom prevents reaching for the phone first thing upon waking up. We  can stop looking to see if others liked our post in the middle of our workday by keeping the  phone silenced and focusing on important tasks. An important question: “Is the amount of time  I am spending on social media my times’ best use?” 

Here is a simple equation: 

Routines + Rules = Expectations 

The takeaway: If our expectations aren’t being met—or exceeded—it is safe to assume that  our routines or rules are not reinforcing each other. Also, it follows that when they are not in  alignment, our expectations will probably result in disappointment. 

The good news is that becoming more aware of our less intentional routines allows us to be  more deliberate. Small changes in our daily routines can help develop constructive habits.  Aligning routines with values that matter most will positively influence outcomes. Most importantly, consistent positive outcomes build Core Self-Respect (aka expectations of self). 

Here’s to a new year of: intentionally practicing routines that closely align with important  values; building confidence in delivering your best performance, personally and professionally;  and finally, having many accomplishments that will matter most to you and important others over time.

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