“Where am I” and “Where do I want to be” Thinking

“Where am I” and “Where do I want to be” Thinking

Slowing Down to Engage Our Monitoring Brain

Learning to replace “I should” or “I am supposed to” thinking with “what is my best next step” is a powerful skill that can be taught, learned, and practiced in our daily lives. It starts with observing closely and asking very important questions.

Observing a situation from different vantage points can help us to more clearly comprehend important facts about a situation:  Who else is involved? Where am I now? Where do I want to be? What practices center me and what value do I attach to these practices? What available resources can I call on or count on regarding this situation? What positive investments (e.g., time, financial, reflection, etc.) regarding this situation have I made that haven’t paid off yet? Are there any questions whose answer might change this situation in a positive way?

Clarifying the Values that we Practice

Understanding what we value most and how to center ourselves in tough times can help us quickly and effectively manage difficult situations. It provides perspective and clarity when navigating “unstable terrain.”

Most of us know explicitly what we can do to center ourselves (i.e., taking a walk in nature, meditation, reading a good book with a cup of tea, rigorous exercise, etc.). We refer to these activities as practices. However, many of us have never thought of, or categorized, the values that these practices represent in our lives. Values are descriptors of what matters most to us and guide our important decisions; decisions like where and how we spend our time, lend our energy and resources. General values may fall into categories like: health, financial, emotional, and spirit. Specific value-centric descriptors might include: community, relationships, charity, coaching, paying it forward …

Health

  • Yoga
  • Bicycling
  • Daily Journaling

Creativity

  • Painting
  • Reflect and Connect Dots
  • Doodling

Observing Others Involved and Closeness

Pausing to observe who else, besides us, is involved in a situation can provide perspective and insight. A simple triangle can illustrate a few others involved and visually show who is getting closer and who is on the outside (looking in) … sometimes an event may occupy a vertex of the situation triangle. Starting with who else is involved, can provide just enough space to change our vantage point long enough to consider other viable paths to pursue …

Accessing our Emotional Energy Levels

Asking ourselves where we are and where we want to be in a single, specific situation provides space to contemplate and identify viable best next steps. Answering both these questions with a number from 1-10 can reduce the burden of the situation without losing its heightened emotional energy.

Decisions in Moments That Matter Most Change Us, and the People Around Us. 

Give yourself permission to slow down, trust the process, and ask real questions.

To see Part 1 of this series, click here.

For those interested in pursuing a Workshop about these topics, click here.

About the Authors

Jonathan Thomas, MSW
Whether at the potter's wheel, coaching medical professionals and teams, or in his private counseling practice, Jonathan Thomas has spent his life molding, shaping and creating something beautiful and new.

Tim Preston
As a successful serial-entrepreneur and angel investor, Tim Preston has spent the majority of his life learning, overcoming, and creating, from blank pieces of paper: self, spaces, teams, and businesses.

Together, Jonathan and Tim founded Simple. Not Easy., LLC, a company that developed CoreSelf Positioning™ tools to help companies and individuals to slow down and align energy levels, values, and actions in order to formulate their best next steps.

Connect with Tim Preston

Learn more about JonathanTim & CoreSelf Positioning.